Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
