The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
