Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me