I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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