I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
