Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he fucked my hip out of place.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
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Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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