M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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