What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
