So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
