New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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