Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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