some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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