our cab driver is having phone sex.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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