Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
