fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
