If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
