I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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