what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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