Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
