If i could tip my vagina, i would.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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