Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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