8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
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I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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