By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
