youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
