She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
