Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
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Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
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Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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