we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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