YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
