Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
