do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
