Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
