I hate your face
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
