Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
