My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
