So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
