last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I need to sanitize my soul.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
