I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize