i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
