Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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