oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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