your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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