u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
