I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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