I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
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If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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