she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
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Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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