We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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