So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize