Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Randomize
