this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
