Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
