wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
