is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
