If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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