you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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