Can i not drive my cunt home
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
