He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
