How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We need a shit load of segways right now
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
