You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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