can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My breasts were aching with rage.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
