He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
