My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
