I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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