Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
