I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I understand Curling. That high.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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