My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
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it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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