I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
