i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
