so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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